


Menage a Trwhat the Hell is That?

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:47:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 2 fill for the HSWC. </p><p>"Dave♥Karkat♥Terezi</p><p>Zaida (Ukrainian): An alien, one who came from the outside. A foreign invader."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Menage a Trwhat the Hell is That?

"So..." Dave looked over at Karkat and Terezi. He was bored, they were all bored. It was a lazy day, it was too hot out, and everyone was just sprawled all over the bedroom floor in Terezi's apartment, having cleared person-sized patches from the ridiculous mess. "I have a crazy human idea. Hear me out as I blow your mind with my cultural diversity."

"Is it being a condescending bulgelord? Because we've seen that. And I, for one, am fucking sick of it." Karkat huffed, crossing his arms, for added huffiness.

"Oh, please, Dave, as envoy of this weird berry-lime planet, tell us of your weird Earth ways." Terezi grinned, flinging a scalemate upward and laughing as it whacked against a ceiling fan blade, then thudded against a wall.

Dave sighed, then propped himself up on an elbow, doing his best seductive pose. "A threesome. A sexual threesome."

"A threesome?" Karkat sat up, eyes going wide. "Please explain the mechanics. I mean, if I had to venture a guess, I would imagine it would be three fucking organisms having sex with each other at the same time. You know why? Because that's not a human idea! You actual sack of shit, what kind of superiority complex do you have in your piss-addled rotpan to think that something as simple as a threesome wouldn't be an idea had by literally every fucking species with genitalia?"

Terezi, meanwhile, was cackling in the corner.

"So, uh, is that a no?" Dave could never tell with Karkat. Usually screaming insults meant a no. But with Karkat, it could mean anything from 'no' to 'absolutely' to 'wow, how about this weather?'

"No, it's not a fucking no. Sweet assjuices, Dave! It's a get off your high hoofbeast and also a you're an idiot." Karkat was fully up now, and looking toward the closet. "Terezi, where do you keep the stuff?"

"Oh, shit. Umm... wow, I haven't even thought about needing it. I might have left it back in my hive."

"You entered a matespritship with two people and it didn't cross your mind that maybe you'd need the set-up?"

"Oh my god, Karkat, we moved before I joined team Big Red and you know it."

"Bluh." Karkat sighed. "Whatever. I have the stuff in my closet. I'll be back." He stood up and left the room, and then the apartment, which was accompanied with an overly dramatic doorslam, the meaning of which was 'I can't believe you're making me walk down this hot-as-the-inside-of-Hephaestus's-asshole hallway.'

Terezi's voice took on a stage whisper quality, for absolutely no one's benefit. "I bet it's still mint in box."

Dave laughed, because it was clearly a joke. Even if he didn't get it. He would have asked for an explanation, but surprises could be fun. He'd already done the bucket thing. He was imagining a basin, or maybe a Rubbermaid container.

A moment later, as Dave was getting ready to just ask because what if it was terrible, the door re-slammed, and Karkat was back. "Yeah, no, it's cool! Everyone just sit on your plump backsides and don't come help me or anything!"

"Don't worry, we won't!" Terezi cackled again, and then there he was, carrying a box that was surprisingly dust-free. He totally removed the plastic wrap before he brought it over.

It was set down and open and Karkat was not expecting everything to also be in its own wrappers and packed neatly in foam. This was easy to tell by the red that filled his cheeks. "Told you," Terezi stage whispered again.

"Told him what?" Karkat glared.

"Three guesses."

"That this is my back-up set since the other one got worn out? Huh? Yeah, that's what happened!" Karkat stammered and flushed and resumed unpacking.

Dave wanted to banter, really, he did. But he was just... confused. So very confused. He was right about the basin. That was pretty obvious. But then came what looked like a beer bong. And a large funnel. And that was a measuring cup. "Uh, what are.... what is this. What is this for. What are we doing." They didn't even come out as questions. Just... words. Words that Dave wasn't entirely sure he really wanted the answers to. "What are we measuring? Are we making a cake?"

Karkat slapped his forehead and just kind of dragged his hand down slowly. "You flapnuzzler, how the fuck do you propose we get the fluid ratios correct in the drone basin? Fuck, Dave, I mean, really. Really? This was your idea!"

"Ratios? Drones? We're just... this is for fun."

"Well, yeah, but you still have to do it right. Wow, Dave." Terezi rolled her eyes. "I'm starting to think you haven't done this before."

"I haven't!" He frowned. "But I know how it works!"

"Clearly you don't." Karkat pulled out what looked like a handheld vacuum attached to a suction cup, and then a long, thin plastic rod, fitting it into the end.

"No! Like, no. Look. Where's my laptop? All we're doing is just putting things in other things."

"Uh, yeah." Terezi quirked an eyebrow. "Here's the things..." She motioned to the tools. "And they go on the other things. God, Dave, I thought I was the blind one. Hello."

"No. Nope. I'm out. This is not what I expected." Dave stood up. He was going to go back to his apartment and turn this threesome into a onesome and let them have a twosome and maybe look up some videos on what in the world the corkscrew-shaped turkey baster was for. In a flash he was gone.

"Aliens." Terezi sighed, slumping.

"Fucking aliens." Karkat huffed again, looking at the equipment and picking it up, dumping it unceremoniously back in the box. "You wanna just fool around?"

"Hell yeah! All this threesome talk has me going bulgecrazy."


End file.
